Birth Disappointment: When all doesn’t go to plan…

The Birthing Journey is all about sharing information and positive, incredible birth stories in the hope that others may experience the same joy and empowerment as I did. I have always found that, whenever I have had the privilege of speaking with an expectant mum one-on-one about how they’re feeling, and shared my experiences, they have been only too keen to know more. I have literally seen the fear and apprehension fade away in front of my eyes, replaced with excitement and empowerment.

When I first dared air this dream though, I was met on a number of occasions by comments from well-meaning friends indicating that I shouldn’t get women’s hopes up… i.e. what if it all doesn’t go to plan?

An old school friend, now a wonderful, passionate midwife, messaged me upon launching The Birthing Journey with words of encouragement but also, to be completely transparent with you, the following:

“I think it’s great to share positive experiences and I tell women in classes all the time to avoid horror stories. My only concern is that birth is a tricky situation that is more than attitude or planning. It’s biology and gene mix and I have seen women who think they are prepared for a calm birth not have one, for one reason or another, and their plan is shattered and it can lead down paths of post-natal depression etc.

I think it’s important to be happy with the care provider and have a basic plan in mind but be prepared to be flexible. And at the end of the day, be happy that you and your delicious newborn are safe and well.

It’s an incredible thing to be able to desire children, conceive and give birth. I learnt we don’t get pregnant to have a natural vaginal birth, we get pregnant to have a child and I hope whatever road gets us to our destination brings satisfaction.

I wish more women felt empowered and excited and confident in birth. Women are incredible! I have 4 gorgeous children all via natural vaginal birth and I loved every minute!”

I was so appreciative of her comments and am not naive enough to think that every single woman who reads my stories or follows my ‘tips’ will have an incredible birthing experience. It is absolutely my hope though. Sometimes it will be her own mind that prevents her from having the experience she so desires, sometimes her body. It may be circumstances and situations completely outside of her control. But I will say this. I will never support telling expectant women horror birth stories. And I 100% believe it is better to go into labour positive, excited, empowered and confident with clear intentions than it is to go in feeling fearful, anxious, worried, naive… even if things don’t end up going the way they were hoping. Is the ‘gap’ potentially larger, hence there is further to ‘fall’ and more disappointment to experience? Perhaps. But what about all of those who do experience incredible birth stories because of what they learned and applied, because of the peace and calm they allowed to guide them, because they drew upon their inner resources they never knew they possessed? The information I gained in my own research, and the experiences I had, are too great not to share.

Let me just share though that from within my own circle of friends I have known women to: tear from front to back, experience pre-eclampsia, have to fight for their own lives during and after birth, simply not dilate sufficiently for a natural birth, be left with a uterus paper-thin, go into premature labour… just to name a few. These women come from all different walks of life, some even themselves midwives/nurses. I know many women who have had traumatic birthing experiences and that’s one of the reasons I was so concerned myself before I took a proactive approach to learning about labour and made a decision to set myself up as best I could (again, I am so glad you’re here!). One of my closest friends even checked into hospital suspecting labour/contractions and it turned out that she had appendicitis… so out came both the appendix and her firstborn whilst she was under a general anesthetic… do you think that lined up with her ‘birth plan’? I mean, who could have even scripted that! Was she disappointed? Of course. But both her and her bub were safe and well.

I certainly don’t want you going into birth fearful but it is important to be open-minded enough to know that things can happen. Circumstances can change. “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” This saying is adapted from a line in “To a Mouse,” by Robert Burns and means that no matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it. It is impossible to prepare for every scenario. Reality is that we can prepare and plan so much, but we still never know what life might throw at us. We can only control so much.

Plan vs Reality — *This is really a pretty good indication of life don’t you think?*

In my post titled Interventions – Are they Helpful or Hindering? I talk about the BRAN Method and how we are empowered to ask our medical professionals the following, when faced with an intervention:

Benefits – what are they?
Risk – what is it?
Alternatives – are there any?
No or not now – what if I said?

I’ll never forget my Calmbirth facilitator telling our class though that if it truly is an emergency, you’ll have no say anyway. They will do what needs to be done to keep both you and bub safe. We must always remember that they are the professionals, and as such, do deserve our trust and respect. Even when things don’t go the way we’d hoped.

I can’t stress this enough: Always, always, of the utmost importance is the health and wellbeing of both mum and bub. In the end, it doesn’t ‘matter’ how bub is born. If both you and your baby are safe, then that is a successful birth. Allow yourself to experience all the joy and ecstasy that new baby can bring you. What a miracle! (regardless of the style of birth). If it all doesn’t go according to your plan, please, I beg you: be kind to yourself. Focus on that gorgeous new bub of yours and the blessing and miracle they are. You are safe. Your bub is safe. Even in this day and age, I think many people forget or quite simply don’t realise how incredibly risky both pregnancy and labour still are.

If your birth experience was less than desirable, traumatic even, I’m so sorry. Allow yourself time to grieve. Acknowledge it and accept it. Like anything, of course it takes time. But try to focus on your bub, helping them to flourish, whilst being kind to and looking after yourself. Try not to dwell on what you didn’t get, but rather, what you did.

Seek professional support. Please don’t say everything’s fine if it’s not. There are people who will listen, walk through it with you, know what steps to help you take to move on successfully etc.

Never, ever compare. I couldn’t believe it when stepping into my first mother’s group, a room filled with 40 new mums and their bubs, and all anyone was talking about was their labour stories. Most of them competing about whose was worse than whose. For myself, given my birthing story, it was embarrassing and I largely kept quiet because a) it didn’t feel ‘grand’ enough but b) more importantly, I didn’t want anyone to feel less than or upset because they didn’t have the same experience as me. On the contrary though, if your experience wasn’t pleasant, the last thing you need is to be re-hashing it or having people say theirs was worse.

Perhaps there will be another opportunity for you to potentially have the birthing experience you so hoped for. That can be incredibly healing. But also, perhaps not (e.g. medically you may only be permitted C-sections for future births… but please note this is certainly not always a requirement just because your firstborn came via caesarean… more and more women are requesting a V-bac, vaginal birth after caesarean, and if this is safe for you then by all means go for it, working with your medical team). And as mentioned earlier, some of my friends just quite simply didn’t seem to be capable of dilating the necessary amount, even though they tried their hardest multiple times, and for this I have no explanation. We certainly won’t always have all the answers. Life is all about how we handle what it throws at us. Not always fair, but life nonetheless.

How to say ‘No’ to horror birth stories

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No doubt by now you’ve heard them. Well-meaning friends, even strangers, who can’t help but share with you their traumatic birth story in all the R rated gory detail. As you listen, your heart rate increases, it becomes harder to swallow, your body responds in panic to what you are hearing and your mind, unfortunately, is taking it all in, filing it for use down the track.

Now, please hear me out, as I speak with all love and respect. If you are reading this and have experienced a traumatic birth, I am so incredibly sorry. My heart truly breaks for you and with all that I am I wish your outcome had been different. A horror birth story should never be wished upon anyone and I hope you can find the healing you need. There is a time and place to grieve, to speak openly and rawly about how you feel and professionals who can guide you through. Inadvertently though, when these horror stories are shared, more often than not with a first-time mum-to-be, these stories multiply to now become, potentially, a part of her story. It was never hers to begin with, but now she has taken it on board, whether she wants to or not. Why is it in our society that we so freely share negative experiences, and yet the positives are so much harder to find? We are quite literally surrounded by negativity in so many ways and pregnancy, birth and parenting are by no means exempt.

What good is it going to do to share with someone just how awful your experience was, I ask from my high-horse? Do you think it’s going to be helpful or hindering? No, it doesn’t ‘prepare’ them. It freaks them out! As if they’re probably not freaking out enough already! Do you really want to make someone more fearful? More anxious? More concerned? More confused?

I don’t know what it is, whether by sharing the trauma and the horror they feel they are preparing you for how ‘bad’ it’s going to be, or whether it somehow, subconsciously even, validates or vindicates them and what they went through? It’s human nature for us to get a little competitive about who had something ‘the worst’, but I’m putting my hand up and declaring that it’s time to stop. Our words are so incredibly powerful. Let’s use them to encourage, inspire and motivate. To empower and build confidence. To be their biggest cheerleader and confirm: “You got this girl!”

And for you, gorgeous pregnant mumma, if you hear a negative story coming your way, here are some suggestions to (politely) stop them in their tracks:

“Sorry, can I interrupt for a moment? I think I can see where this story is headed and I’m so sorry for your experience, but I am doing my absolute best to put myself and bub in the best possible position for a positive birth and that means not listening to the horror stories.”

“I’m sorry, I want to be respectful but I just can’t hear about traumatic birth experiences.”

“Thank you for wanting to share but if it’s not positive and encouraging, I’m going to ask you to please not.”

These sound very formal when written and they need to be conversational, so have a think for yourself and of course put it into your own words in a way that you feel comfortable. But do prepare your own spiel and please don’t be afraid to use it.

At the very least, it may cause the wannabe sharer to consider the power of their words and hopefully think twice about spouting off to the next unsuspecting pregnant woman they meet.

*“Ssssshhhh! No horror stories welcome here!”*

I’m believing that you, like me, will be one of those who freely & excitedly shares their incredibly positive birth story. That it will change outcomes and that it will help break the stigma of birthing being this awful, traumatic ordeal.

Should you find yourself having heard an unpleasant story, either accidentally or intentionally, Catherine Price & Sandra Robinson in their book ‘BIRTH: Conceiving, Nurturing and Giving Birth to your Baby’ give some excellent advice (pg 322):

“Hearing other women’s birth stores may create fears (or add to them), perhaps leaving you upset, bewildered, angry or anxious about the impending labour. However, listening to a variety of birth stories, even scary ones, can help you gather ideas so you can explore different support tools that might be useful.

For all the positive birth stories you hear, perhaps ask: ‘What worked for you?’ or ‘What made a difference?’ For all the negative stories, perhaps ask ‘How did that make you feel?’ or ‘What would you do differently next time?’

Things to remember with birth stories are:

Each woman’s experience is unique. While most women describe their labour as painful, this does not necessarily mean it was unpleasant.
Labours vary immensely. Other women’s stories cannot bring you to a full understanding of what your labour will be like. You need to remain open and just wait and see.
If feeling overwhelmed, remind yourself that this was their experience. You are not this woman and your birth will be different. You and your baby will have your own unique story.
Good birth stories can have a positive and powerful effect, so listen out for them. Some women find they are a great source of relief and motivation when preparing for their own labour and birth.” (which is why I do what I do!!!)

Birth Stories

My 2nd Birthing Experience – different, but just as incredible, and still PAIN FREE!

The Birthing Journey3 Comments

P1050982 Well here I sit, in my hospital room, with my beautiful daughter sleeping in her crib. We had the immense joy of welcoming her into our family yesterday morning! I think I’m still a little shell shocked and really can’t believe it!

She came FAST! Ever since my firstborn’s arrival I had been warned time and time again that this time around it would be fast, but until I was in the midst of it I didn’t realise how fast!

At 38 weeks I was working my last shift teaching in our local TAFE restaurant. Around 7pm I started feeling a bit ‘off’. Just not right. I mentioned it to my colleague (who immediately expressed “baby”) and sat in my office for the majority of the evening to finalise paperwork and record results. I threw up but then felt much better afterwards so hoped that was the end of that. At one point I walked back up to the restaurant but quickly started feeling nauseous again. I got complete that I needed to and sat with the class to debrief and farewell them and to apologise for my absence during the night. We joked that I might have a baby tomorrow! I still wasn’t feeling great so rang my parents to come and get me as I didn’t want to drive. Just as I was finishing up with my students all of a sudden I was again overcome and had to quickly make my way outside and get as far away as I possibly could before throwing up again. How embarrassing!

Mum and Dad arrived then and took me home, Mum in a flurry as only a mother could/would be! She suggested that perhaps I call the birthing unit. “What am I going to say?” I questioned. “Hi, I’m 38 weeks pregnant with no contractions but I’ve thrown up twice…” Well, that’s just what I did (as all good daughters do, of course!) The hospital were happy for me to come in for a check if I wanted to but my waters hadn’t broken (they did the first time) and I hadn’t noticed any unusual contractions. I’d had braxton hicks for weeks but they never concerned me or really took my breath away. To me it was all just part and parcel of pregnancy and I didn’t even realise that’s what they were until my obstetrician pointed one out! I decided just to try to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep, particularly if it could be a sign that something was going to happen. I honestly thought I may have just been coming down with a virus and was pretty ticked off about that truth be told thinking “Great, this is just what I need!”. Well, a good night’s sleep it wasn’t for hubby or I! I vomited twice more through the night and had a bout of diarrhoea. Come the morning and my wise hubby says: “Isn’t that a way of your body clearing itself out in preparation for labour?” Well, what do you know, Dr Google confirmed this could be the case! The more I thought about it I remembered our Calmbirth^® facilitator (prior to my son’s birth) saying it had happened to her. Mind you, I still didn’t think I was in labour, just that there was possibly something going on.

I emailed my obstetrician to let her know about my night (I’d been reprimanded by her earlier on in my pregnancy when I hadn’t promptly let her know of a possible UTI) and she said that if the symptoms had settled down then everything should be fine and just to rest.

I rang Mum and Dad to check their movements for the day and told them to keep their mobiles on them! Hubby had a tele-conference for work but chose to stay local… I didn’t want him to go too far. Well, things changed quickly! All of a sudden I became aware that I was in fact having contractions quite regularly. You see, the thing is, I tend not to notice them. They were like the braxton hicks I’d been having for weeks, my stomach tightening hard as a rock, but I realised they were coming quite regularly! I couldn’t even remember at what stage you were meant to call/go in to hospital (I was already in at that stage the first time around and even then hadn’t been very aware of them until the late stages).

I went and had a shower then rang my main man and told him I wanted to go to the hospital just to get checked out and see what was happening (i.e. if I had begun dilating and was in fact in labour). He claims he’d only been at work about 45 minutes! I dilated very quickly with my son and only the morning prior at my obstetrician’s appointment we’d had a lengthy conversation about spontaneous labour and I didn’t want to be caught out! (She was kicking herself afterwards wishing she’d done an internal examination on me that morning!).

I called my Dad to come to ours to be with our son. I gathered a few things but by this time realised it was really happening and at one point, not long after hubby had gotten back in the door, I dropped to the floor in our hallway feeling the need to push and said: “I think we need an ambulance!” It was hard not to panic then realising how imminent this was – my body seems not to notice the labour phase until it’s time to push!!! Phone in hand he was ready to make the call but as I got through that contraction I quickly did the math on how long it would take them to get to me and decided to risk it and head to hospital ourselves. That was probably my first-ever real experience of what a full-blown contraction felt like and I realised that I just needed to ride the wave (i.e. breathe) and that all was OK on the other side. I of course wasn’t thinking of peak hour traffic, but hubby was! (Seriously, it was the worst possible time of day to do that drive!) I was in the zone and feeling quite stressed because I didn’t know how much time we had – I don’t think I even farewelled my beautiful boy who was about to become a big brother! My first birthing experience was incredible largely thanks to Calmbirth® but this was already shaping up to be a very different experience! I wasn’t afraid – certainly second time around there is not the ‘fear’ of the unknown and you can have confidence because you and your body have done this before… for me it was the speed with which this was progressing and I wasn’t really keen on a roadside delivery (I did throw a couple of towels in the car just in case!) It was the most intense car ride of my life!!! I managed to email my Dr to say: “This is happening. On my way in but not sure if I’ll make it.” And I called the hospital to have a wheelchair waiting on arrival (hubby’s recommendation, I didn’t think I needed it!!!) After that the contractions kept on coming and I had to dig deep to breathe through them and pushed my feet hard against the floor to try to stall the urge to push and keep baby girl in! So everything I’d learnt in Calmbirth® about going with the flow with your body, staying relaxed, visualising yourself opening up… and here I was purposely tensing up my body to try to slow down the process and keep the shop shut!!! Hubby pulled a particularly highly illegal high speed overtaking manoeuvre up the outside which I’m sure elicited some sour looks and harsh words… but once we hit the stand-still of peak hour traffic I had to close my eyes to maintain focus and not panic even more due to the volume of cars moving at a snail’s pace! How hilarious that everyone around us was going about their normal daily routine and I’m wanting to shout “You’ve got no idea, get out of the way, I’m having a baby!!!”

Hubby was my hero. How he held it together on that drive… supporting and encouraging me the whole way, holding my hand even whilst driving and navigating with his phone in the other hand the back streets as best he could to get us there ASAP (who says guys can’t multi-task!)

I tell you what, I could feel her crowning the last couple of contractions before we arrived, talk about a S-T-R-E-T-C-H!!!! (“Two more minutes, we’ll be there in two minutes” hubby tries to reassure me… that roadside delivery was so ridiculously close!)

Our arrival was classic. We pulled up right at the front door (I’m surprised the tyres didn’t screech!), leapt out and I started straight for the wheelchair. Then he’s off and racing with me to the elevator as the receptionist calls out: “Do you know where you’re going?” To which I replied “I hope so!” Into the lift and hubby asks “Level 2 or 3?” (we had done this before!) but my response was “I have no idea!” so he hit both buttons! Level 2 it was and there’s Nurse Di waiting (thank you Miss Receptionist whom we went screeching past for obviously placing the alert!) all bright and cheerful: “Right, so, how are we feeling?” she says. Me: “Oh I’m ready to push!” Instantly I felt relief though – we’d made it! And that’s all I could say as I was wheeled to the delivery suite: “I’m so glad we made it. I’m so glad we made it!” I knew bub and I were safe now no matter what happened next!

Trying to get me on the bed mid-contraction and the midwives are like: “We just need to do a quick check of the baby” as they try to place I monitor on me. “I’m pretty sure you can see something there right now!” was my response to them at which time my doctor walks in, pulling on her gloves. (I’m later told by a nurse that many women think they’re crowning when they’re totally not, but I was telling the truth ha ha!) I told them my waters hadn’t broken and she said she could see my membranes bulging so broke them (I wonder later, in hindsight, whether I could have perhaps had one of those incredible experiences of having a baby born inside it’s amniotic sac… alas we’ll never know!) Then she lets me turn over onto all fours because that’s what I wanted (I had to talk her into it though, she kept saying being baby number two it was going to be fast but because my first labour was so amazing I wanted to do everything exactly the same as much as possible!) My next contraction came and I pushed my bubba girl’s head out. Then with the following contraction out came her body. Done. Here she was. Just like that! Everyone was stunned, myself included! Later they told me they got in all of about 3 minutes of foetal monitoring!

So there I am holding our baby girl in total disbelief! I’d just birthed our baby!

Take a look at these photos, I just laughed and laughed. Incredulous is probably the best word to describe it, “what on earth just happened?!” were the feelings. Absolutely incredible!

*You could not wipe the smile off my face!*

This precious baby girl was ready and I have no doubt that she’d have come sooner if we’d been in hospital already. I had no tearing, no complications and obviously no drugs or interventions as quite simply there wasn’t the time (nor the need). All I experienced was a burning sensation as I pushed her out but it wasn’t painful. Yes it was fast and intense but nothing that her and I couldn’t handle together.

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Quite some time later hubby realised he’d better move the car from the hospital’s front entry and discovered he’d left the keys in the ignition and I’d left my door wide open!!!

During my entire hospital stay, every time a nurse visited she would ask me if I wanted any painkillers. They seemed to think I was trying to be some sort of hero, a bit prideful that I didn’t want to take any. Folks, I didn’t need any! Not even remotely! Not during labour, not after.

After the fact I was told that, whilst I didn’t realise I was in labour and wasn’t aware of any contractions, every time I’d vomited it had most likely helped move bub into position, similar to the role of a contraction.

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Reading back through my firstborn’s birth story well after this arrival and I discovered that I probably should have re-read it prior: “If I’d have laboured at home at all, which I was planning on doing for as long as possible, I don’t know if I would’ve made it to the hospital in time or I would have been fighting the urge to push as hubby was driving because I really don’t think either of us would have realised how far in labour I was as I never met the ‘technical requirements’ of contractions being 3 – 5 minutes apart lasting for at least one minute for at least one hour etc etc like they tell you in the antenatal classes…” Oops!

Before commenting please stop & think: is it kind, caring, positive & beneficial? Please remember that on the other side of this screen, be it the author or your fellow readers, that we are all humans with our own stories: needs, hopes, experiences, opinions &, most importantly, feelings. This is a respectful & safe place. I, the author, am not a medical professional. I offer simply my personal experiences & information gleaned in the sincere hope that it may be of use to another. This does not mean that I am ‘right’, whatever that means, but it did work for me. I reserve the right to remove any comments I deem unnecessary, inappropriate or negative. Thanks for being here. xx

Birth Stories

My Firstborn: A Calm, Natural & Pain Free Birth

The Birthing Journey3 Comments

In May 2013, after over 5 years of waiting/trying, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! He came 8 days early so he surprised us and as a bonus I got to enjoy my first Mother’s Day a year early which was so special!

My labour was absolutely incredible and honestly pain-free! I know that for many this is hard to comprehend, so I’d love to tell you our story.

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P1020431 — *Relishing my first mother’s day with my baby boy, 1 week old.*

Of all nights, hubby and I had stayed up late watching two back-to-back movies, something we never did! Hubby had always said that he’d hoped when I went into labour that I’d have had a good night’s sleep the night before… well that wasn’t to be! We had literally just gone to bed and within minutes, at midnight, my waters partially broke. It wasn’t a huge flooding, but certainly something I hadn’t experienced before and I called the hospital to let them know. I didn’t have any contractions or anything. They said to go back to bed for an hour then call them back and let them know what was happening. I was still losing fluid so I rang and, after much deliberation from the midwife, who straight away asked me whether I’d done Calmbirth® due to the terminology I was using and how calm I was, she said that protocol stated that I needed to come in for monitoring. She was reluctant because she was worried that once I was in they mightn’t let me go and the possible interventions this could lead to (the hospital I was booked in to has, I’ve been told, one of the highest intervention rates in NSW).

I took my time getting ready thinking we were most likely going to be sent home anyway… I just figured my waters breaking meant something was possibly going to start happening in the next few days (not stopping to think about the risk of infection and that I would likely be induced if nothing happened quickly anyway! I was reminded of that later…) We finished packing and got the house in order and got to the hospital about 3am. Before leaving home I’d said to hubby that maybe I was feeling ‘something’, certainly not what I considered to be signs of imminent labour but I was feeling a little ‘different’ so to speak…

At the hospital (we never even brought my hospital bag in!) they strapped a monitor to me which of course meant I was flat on my back in bed… which if I was in labour wasn’t what I would have wanted but it didn’t bother me because I didn’t think I was in labour! The first thing they told me was that the baby’s heart rate was dropping with every ‘contraction’ – which they were concerned about and started talking induction and even cesarean as the baby could have been in distress. My doctor was away for the weekend – his one annual weekend away a year! So much so that in our antenatal classes the nurses were explaining how it’s possible your doctor mightn’t be available when your time comes so to be prepared for that… “Except Doctor F” they said, “He’s always here!” So the midwife went to speak to the on-call doctor about it. By the time she came back and re-checked the monitor, everything was perfect. They needed about an hour and a half of ‘perfect’ results though before they could send me home… they then started doubting whether my waters had actually broken or not as the symptoms could have been related to something else… but she did comment that my contractions were getting stronger. “Your face isn’t telling me that though” she said, “the machine is”. So I just stayed relaxed and let them monitor me, in my eyes everything was fine. Even if I was in labour, I still figured it was the very early stages and that we were surely still 12 – 18 hours off having a baby! The midwife said that I probably would be sent home to labour saying “You’ll know when to come back in”. Then I was told that the doctor was coming in any way for another patient and that he wanted to observe me in the morning before letting me go, so she took the monitor off and just said to get some rest. She’d done an internal examination on me and said I hadn’t even started dilating, which is why she was sure they would just send me home. The contractions were getting a little more intense, but still nothing I would even have referred to as being in ‘labour’. I never understood how people said they “just breathed through them” but that’s exactly what I did, with very little effort. Whilst I didn’t actually fall asleep, I was perfectly calm and relaxed and don’t think I even did the real deep breathing I’d learnt in Calmbirth® and practiced in the preceding weeks. I don’t think I needed to, but I’m not sure. Hubby didn’t even know, he was trying to sleep on the couch.

I got up later to go to the bathroom and all of a sudden felt quite sick, like I was going to pass out / throw up. The doctor came in at this time and did an internal examination, which the midwife said he needn’t bother about because she’d already done one and I hadn’t even started. He looked at her perplexed while he was doing it, “She’s about 9cm dilated” he said. She couldn’t believe it, and neither could I! His words were like music to my ears because I’d read all the testimonials of this happening to women in the Calmbirth® book and had said to myself “I want a story like that!” I honestly said: “So does this mean we’re having a baby?”, still totally disbelieving! Apparently it did lol! My contractions still seriously weren’t anything to speak about, but I decided that if this was happening I wanted to start moving around etc, because up until this time I’d just been lying in bed. My student midwife said she’d never seen anyone at 9cm so calm, but honestly, it was so easy! I felt sick again and this time I did throw up, which they later tell me was probably the transition stage, and hubby thinks this kicked everything into gear. The contractions potentially became a bit more intense, but they were never long or painful, then I reached this big lull and said to the midwives, “So are we basically just waiting for me to get the urge to push?” and apparently we were! The fact that neither of them were leaving the room and were getting everything in order made me realise that this was actually happening – it was still all so surreal because it wasn’t anything like I ever expected labour would be! The urges did come and the one thing I was surprised about was how much I did need to push. The Calmbirth® training had me thinking that my job was to stay cool, calm and collected and let my body do the work, but you really do need to push your baby out! I was on my knees with my arms/head resting on the bed head. I just did what they told me and really you just feel pressure in your bottom (using the Epi-No really helped prepare me for this, but that’s another story). It wasn’t until the doctor came in that I realised we must’ve been close!

Now, this is very interesting… pay close attention ladies! At one point the doctor asked me to turn around and lie on the bed in the more traditional pose. Even though I questioned him he somehow made me think it was for the best… well, that stopped everything didn’t it! I think it was a combination of stage fright (you know, a deer caught in the headlights, I’m looking at them and they’re looking at me and my private parts…) Eventually the midwives said “You need to put her back the way she was”. Then he started talking about giving me a shot of one of the hormones because baby was so far down that we couldn’t leave it down there for long, but thankfully my body kicked back into gear when I was back in the original position (the midwife later said obviously I knew what was best and she was annoyed with him for changing me then talking about needing to give me an injection because I’d been doing so well!). My contractions were quite far apart so I had heaps of time to rest in between (I mean, I didn’t even work up a sweat!) and they weren’t for very long… this probably just meant I didn’t push him out as quickly as others would have and in the end they virtually pulled him out (manually though, no forceps or vacuum or anything like that) and although that was a weird feeling, all of a sudden he was out and I’m like “what did we have?” – then it’s all a surreal blur from there holding on to his tiny blue slippery body then placing him on my chest… it truly was magical!

The camera was on the wrong settings but still… this is pure ecstacy!

If I’d have laboured at home at all, which I was planning on doing for as long as possible, I don’t know if I would’ve made it to the hospital in time or I would have been fighting the urge to push as hubby was driving because I really don’t think either of us would have realised how far in labour I was as we never met the ‘technical requirements’ of contractions… you know, ‘3 – 5 minutes apart lasting for at least one minute for at least one hour’ etc etc like they tell you in the antenatal classes… I really only ‘worked’ for about 2 hours… bub was born at 9.07am.

So even though I had high hopes for Calmbirth®, my labour was even better than I possibly could have imagined or hoped for! For days, every new midwife that came into my room talked about it, word had obviously spread! Even the pediatrician had heard about it: “So you’re the one everyone’s talking about!” I’d done other preparations in the lead-up as well including using a product called the ‘Epi-No’ and as a result had no tearing (this earnt me a hand-shake from my obstetrician who checked up on me a few days later), I could have gone home that afternoon!

The midwives couldn’t believe it when, after my skin-to-skin time with Mini B and a shower, I’d gone for a wander out of the birthing suite to orientate myself and let them know we were ready to have him weighed etc and be moved to our room… apparently they’re not used to women who’ve just had a baby coming to find them! The use of drugs never even crossed my mind during the birth and I haven’t even had a panadol since!

I shared the above with my Calmbirth® facilitator and closed my letter to her with:

“It was everything I’d hoped it would be and even better… I’d read so many real-life stories in the Calmbirth® booklet about people who dilated so quickly and I was determined to be one of them – and I was!

Personally, I didn’t end up visualising really or anything like that, I just used the breathing a little but didn’t even need to do that much – the entire experience was that low-key, it just happened! It really was amazing and I’d do it again in a heartbeat! Not once did it cross my mind that this was too hard or that I couldn’t do it or that I hated my husband lol or anything like that! I still can’t believe it!

Thank you for your class – it must’ve helped me incredibly. Coming in, I’d heard so many horror stories and as a girl had grown up fearful of the labouring experience and I was determined to change my outlook… You helped me do that and I am ever so thankful. Even so, leading up to the day it was still such an ‘unknown’, what was it going to be like? Well, all of a sudden I found myself on the ‘other side’ oh so easily, and now life begins as a family!”

Click here for my 2nd birth story.